Shelter
by thatwritersdream
Summary: After the loss of her parents, Marinette can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. With negative thoughts clouding her mind, and her judgment being changed- Marinette is trending down a dark path that no Ladybug has been down a long time. . With Chat Noir and Adrien watching the fall of Ladybug and Marinette, can they help her remember who she was and forgive herself?


**This is my first Miraculous Ladybug fan fiction, and I hope you like it. I always wanted to read one about Marinette experiencing loss and going down a dark path without being Akumanized because of rejection, so I came up with this.**

 **The characters are older in this story but still in school, but I'm going with the American age group of 18 being the age to be in college. Meaning that all the characters are at least 18 year of age.**

 **Besides that, this story has a song called Shelter, by Porter Robinson & Madeon. **

**Hope you enjoy this story!**

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 **Shelter  
Chapter 0.1  
Unravel**

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 _It's my fault. This is all my fault._

That's all Marinette could think as she sat there in the pew of the church, sounding out as the priest went on and on about life beyond this one. Her blue bell eyes held no tears as she stared at the pictures of her mother and father, put on presentation for all those to see and say their final goodbyes.

 _There would be no final goodbye, had you made it in time._

 _Had you done your job right._

Her fist curled under her leg, hidden from view. She wanted to get up, to run out of the damn church, but she couldn't bring herself too. Just how she couldn't bring herself to terms that this was it. She wouldn't go home to Papa making sweets, or to her Mama's teasing. Her home would be full of silence.

Tikki would be there, of course, but no matter what the little red kwami said- it would never steer Marinette's mind away from being consumed by her own guilt. Chat had tried to find Ladybug, he confessed to Marinette once after when he went to check on the girl. He asked her how she was, and all that anger boiled up inside her body. The anger she had at herself, the growing self hate.

 _Get out you stupid black cat! All you do is bring bad luck!_

It wasn't his fault she failed to save her own parents, and no matter how much she wanted to blame someone else, she just couldn't. It was her own fault. Her own stupid fault, and the guilt only added on when he looked at her with those heartbroken green, yet understanding eyes. That fact would never change, and neither was the past. What happened, happened- sadly. Nobody had seen Ladybug after the casualties, nobody blamed her. Well some did, but the harshest critic was Ladybug herself.

That was what everyone figured, according to Alya, and that was the reason Ladybug had gone AWOL. Chat Noir had gone the past few days, catching the Akuma's and reporting that as soon as Ladybug came back, she would fix everything.

Yet she couldn't fix the past, but everything else. She tried that fateful day, using lucky charm and trying so hard to undo her mistake- the one that cost lives. Not even Lucky Charm could bring back the dead, no matter how much Ladybug willed it in her heart.

 _You failed, and you continue to fail your city_.

Marinette tried to tell Tikki to find a new Ladybug, she couldn't do it. Tikki, no matter how far Marinette fell, told her that she wouldn't leave her- she was the chosen Ladybug. Tikki knew that her chosen was entering a dark time, one that was rare for Ladybugs, but still quite possible, and she understood how dangerous it was.

"Tom Dupain and Sabine Cheng leave behind a daughter, one who made them proud." The priest gained the attention of Marinette, looking at her with eyes of pity. Eyes she didn't like being given to her. "Marinette, would you like to say some words?"

 _Yes._

 _I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry I let you die. I'm sorry I couldn't save you in time._

"I can't." Marinette whispered lowly, shaking her head. There were so many things ashe wanted to say, to share- but she couldn't. Not when she wanted to confess her sins, to apologize profoundly over and over again.

Alya knew her best friend was in pain, one that she wasn't ready to talk about. There was a change in the blue haired girl, one that was more and more obvious a little more everyday. How she kept closing herself of little by little, and Alya was worried it would be to the point of where she would just cut everyone off.

"Are you sure?" The priest asked her softly, kneeling down in front of Marinette now.

The church was filled with customers of Tom and Sabine, family, friends of Marinette, and people who came to pay their respect. They watched how the priest spoke to Marinette softly, away from the mic, how he looked at her as if she would break. Then suddenly Marinette stood, and walked to the podium- but paused to stare at the enlarged pictures of her parents.

That's when Marinette finally found her tear ducts working again, memories flashing through her head at once. She would never see her mother smile, or hear her father's laugh again. They wouldn't be here when she graduated at Collège Françoise Dupont, or see her succeed in life.

 _If you even make it that far without messing up._

She took in a shaky breath as she turned towards the people in the pews, the voice in her head wasn't wrong after all. Her eyes scanned the people, seeing Alya give her an encouraging smile. Nino gave her a small thumbs up, and then their was Adrien. His green eyes full of concern, and understand- and in that moment she felt a sense of familiarity in those green eyes.

"I want to start off by saying thank you all for coming." Marinette was able to keep her voice strong, and the tears at bay. "You didn't have to be here, and yet you all came- and that means a lot to me."

 _You don't deserve support._

 _It was your fault after all_.

"My parents were people who encouraged me to do my best, and be kind. There's a lot of things I could say, moments I could share- but it's still a fresh wound." Marinette smiled sadly. "All I want to say is thank you for coming at this time. It is greatly appreciated."

 _You even failed at saying goodbye._

Marinette sat back down, head lowered and hidden from view as the priest said the final bits of the memorial and asked people to come up and share some stories. Some people did, a few at least was all Marinette could take but sat there through her pain. She deserved this. It took even more will power at the end when everyone came to pay their respects to _her_.

"I'm always here for you, Mari." Alya whispered to her as she pulled her best friend into a hug. "Don't push me away."

Nino was next, giving her a hug that was warm and tight. "Like Alya said, I'm here as well. Don't forget that!'

Nino went with Alya, waiting on Adrien. Adrien knew what she yelled at Chat Noir the other night was due to her being hurt and grieving- he didn't hold it against her. That was how he found himself pulled Marinette into an awkward hug, patting her back and wishing there was something more he could do.

"I understand the lose of a parent, so if you need anything don't hesitate to ask." Adrien let her go, and took a step back to smile at Marinette.

She merely nodded and muttered out a small thank you.

* * *

Since Marinette was legal and she was an only child, everything in her parent's will had been left to her. The house, the bakery, money, car- whatever Tom and Sabine owned was now hers. It shouldn't be, not yet at least. Everything, all this, should have happened much, much later.

The barkery was closed, and Marinette didn't know if she would ever have the heart to open it again. After all she was Ladybug, she would leave this place abandoned for akuma's- that was if she ever found the heart to transform again.

"It's so quiet now, Tikki." Marinette muttered out, sitting at the table and looking out the window.

Was this how lonely it felt? Yet again, there was that nagging voice in the back of her head that old her she deserved this. This was her self punishment. Of course Alya and her family offered their home up to her, but Marinette just could add on to them anymore- they had enough people living there.

"Maybe it's time to go back to school, or get some sleep." Tikki suggested, knowing her chosen had barely been sleeping. "When are you going to go back on patrols with Chat? He needs you, Marinette- you're Ladybug!"

The way Tikki had said it, Marinette knew was to be encouraging but it felt like a slap on the face. "How can I be Ladybug when my own parents _died_ because of me?"

"It wasn't your fault, Marinette." Tikki spoke softly now. "Blaming yourself won't help you, or anyone. What happened that day, it was an accident. You couldn't have known they were in that building, not you or Chat."

"I should have never told him to use his Cataclysm on that building. I should have checked Tikki, people _died_ because I gave the wrong orders. I acted without thinking!" Marinette exclaimed, getting worked up and flinging her coffee cup across the room.

"Marinette!" Tikki yelled, taken back as Marinette suddenly fell to the floor sobbing. Tikki was quick to nuzzle her cheek, ignoring the wetness of tears. "You didn't _know_. You were doing your job, and sometimes as a hero you make mistakes. You miscalculate the situation and people die."

"My parents are dead because of my _miscalculation._ " Marinette hissed softly, cupping Tikki to her cheek.

Tikki looked up at Marinette with her blue eyes, begging to try. "Please, Marinette- don't give up. You're Ladybug, and you are Marinette. You're strong, and kind, and you will get through this. I know you can!"

"I don't feel strong right now." Marinette whispered. "But you are right, Chat needs me. He needs Ladybug, and I can give him that in the very least."

"You need school, go back Marinette." Tikki kissed Marinette's cheek. "Try. I'm not saying you have to talk to them, but I'm saying don't fall behind. Take little steps, and move forward."

Marinette laughed slightly. "When did you become so wise, Tikki?

"  
"Well I am over five thousand years old!" Tikki giggled, glad she cheered Marinette up in the slightest way.

Marinette just smiled, the only smile that Tikki could bring out alone. Looking up and at the time, Marinette decided to at least make it late to class. It might do her some good to catch up on what she had been missing. Quick to pick up the coffee cup, Marinette cleaned the liquid and rushed to brush her teeth and hair before changing really quick.

Marinette didn't bother running to class, she walked leisurely with Tikki in her pink purse. The feeling was a bit nostalgic, but Marinette found some sort of comfort in that. When she walked into the school, the main courtyard was empty- which made sense since classes were in session. Marinette walked up the stairs slowly, now hesitant on going to class. She was here, so what else was there to lose when she made it this far already?  
Knocking tentatively, Marinette was hoping no one would here but there was the faint _come in_. There was no turning back now, so Marinette pushed the door open slowly. Her head was looking down, not wanting to meet the eyes of any of her peers.

"Marinette." Ms. Bustier said in surprise before recomposing herself. "Welcome back, you can go take your seat next to Alya."

There it was again, that _too_ nice of a voice. The voice of pity. With a sigh, Marinette made her way up to her seat next Alya and sat next to the girl who was her best friend- or used to be. Marinette was disconnected now, it was easier that way. Like Tikki said, she didn't have to talk to anyone.

"How are you?" Alya asked softly, watching how Marinette looked at bored, not even saying anything as Nino and Adrien looked back over at the two girls.

Adrien was surprised when Marinette came into the classroom. Of course he had been planning on stopping by later, as Chat or Adrien- he didn't know. She was making progress coming out of her home by herself, but still Marinette looked tired and a little skinnier. That worried Adrien a bit, because he understood the loss. He lost his mother, but Marinette hadn't just lost her mother, but her father as well.

"I'm dandy." Marinette muttered, chin propped onto her palm, not even sparing Alya a glance.

"Marinette." Alya whispered, pleading. "Please just open up to me."

Marinette's eyebrow twitched, and at that both boys were quick to turn around before they were caught in the crossfire. "And say what, Alya? My parents are _dead_. Want me to tell you how I feel? Pretty fucking awful."

 _Guilty. Sad. Angry._

 _The list goes on and on for miles, Alya._

Alya blinked, taken back by Marinette's sudden aggressiveness before sighing and deciding it was best to wait for Marinette to come to terms with everything herself. Marinette hadn't been one to used colorful language before, but like Alya observed, the girl was changing. She just wished she understood why. When class ended, Marinette had a page of notes and successfully stayed awake. Everyone was putting their stuff way when Chole approached Marinette and slammed her hands down on the desk.

"Oh look what the cat dragged in, an _orphan_." Chole cackled a laugh.

" _Chloe_." Adrien hissed, sitting up as he heard his childhood friend spit something so mean out. It was a new level of low.

"What Adrikins?" Chloe pouted as she expected her nails. "I was merely seeing is Maritrash here was still crying over her parents. If I had a say, they are in a better place now."

"Well no one asked you, did they?" Marinette snapped, standing up with her pink purse. "You wouldn't understand though, would you Chloe? If your daddy died, you'd cry over the loss of money- not your father."

"How dare you-"

Marinette was already walking out and away from Chloe, seething in anger. Tikki peeked out of the purse with a frown. She watched how Marinette's eyes knitted into an angry furrow and how her lips twitched into a frown. She could feel the unhappiness and negativity coming off Marinette.

"Mari, please don't become an Akuma." Tikki whispered to her chosen.

"Not because of Chloe." Marinette reassured softly, angry. "I've decide I'm not up for patrolling tonight. Let's just go home."

Still Tikki worried as Marinette fussed in the kitchen to eat something, giving her a cookie. She knew Chat would only last so long before he needed help of Ladybug, and she also knew that whatever went on in Marinette's head, was something she had to figure out herself- for now at least.

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 **I hope you all like this story! Please leave me a review on what you thought about the first chapter! I will try to make longer chapters in the future!**


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